Saturday, March 27, 2010

Lament

Why these thoughts. my love?

It sounds to me as if I am looking for retroactive control over a destructive action. There's no doubt he hurt others who were largely unaware of what he was doing, and he was not alone. You let generations of abuse happen. Men did it in the name of your law, law they did not know or they would not have done these deeds nor would they have allowed others to do them. And as for those who had supervisory power, if they knew you, they would not have wanted either to save face or to protect the reputation of the school. But they would want to exert pastoral protection for the sinner. I wonder if he had anyone to help him come to self-correction - you did not tell me.

It's ironic that he preached judgment and then acted as if there was no judge or condemnation for himself. Did he know nothing of your judgment? Was he, were they, working against you in your name? But now some act against their children and the heirs of the school. Surely the school has changed. The reports have been good. It is now co-ed. It knew the old was masking evil. How will we implement justice? Surely a payment for past abuse prostitutes the victim again.

Why do you let your word be abused by the ignorant - by those who do not know you?

I haven't put it that way before. What would human life be like without  --- this lust for power, this sin and ignorance, such distorted desire?

What is fundamental in our existence? We are conceived. We gestate in some hopefully non-hostile environment - but perhaps not - for so it is with many whose mothers took alcohol when they were pregnant. We are born in pain and blood. We need. We grow. We have varying degrees of opportunity and ability. We age. We die. We decompose. We are aware of these things. You will have at least seen them, and you see the destruction that people with ability can inflict on others. You have always known this. At least you must have known it if you respond to the prayer to Look - to See - to Regard the condition of your Elect.

I know you have known. I know because you have known it in me and you guide me with your eye upon me. Hopefully I am still enough to hear and feel your guidance, to wait for you.